Though elsewhere I've connived to tell you greed is good
And so exemplary of even Robin Hood
Who stole from those who had (where else?)
To bring himself repute, as well as cash (with hell's
Diablos holding down the ducats);
He made his further millions when
The movie rights were sold!
Like Robin Hood, I scold
A Twitter populace of millions goaded
By anything I can rile them up with
Into voting booths to spill their guts out
Hating everything that earns my out-pout.
Bah! I don't release my taxes! Why?
It's much more classy when you're getting high
On other people's money not to brag
And let them know your wife shows theirs a hag!
Damn hot! I'm old as Methuselah,
Yet she slaps my hand on tv as usual!
Hot! Damn hot! And there's the rub,
When I decided to retreat to my club
Where everyone's charged double
Now that I'm the President of trouble!
If you're in, you've got my in-pout going;
I'll pardon you if any crime you're doing,
Just pay up, line up, lean over for your spanking;
I haven't had this much fun since pranking
(Oh, your children call it planking;
But I've heard in Latin class of Franking!).
The rest is all forgotten, because I wouldn't
Join a frat or study or gain entrance
Without some scurvy manipulative trance
Performed with money to the buggy eyes
Of the administrating savants of ice
In their veins. Pardoned! Pardoned!
It's a Christian thing, and great, and gardened
To emolumate me in veneers of class
While what I really craved was tits and ass!
Pardoned! I've pardoned me already!
So whatever I say is virtuous and steady!
So now I come to tell my tale that demonstrates
Just how great the great past was in all its straits.
Straitjackets for the press; they'll sit in front!
And I'll pardon none of them, but stunt
Their un-pardoning with quotes and tweets
To make the meaning of my tale so sweet
That even they'll adjust their thinking caps
And learn the earth has moved beyond their crap!
Enlightenment gives way to Entertainment;
Just read the National Enquirer next to the tic-tac mints
And memorize what the voters want! They want greed
And rich people in trouble with speed
And pardoning's the thing they do in line;
They weep for me, not your fucking by-line!
A pardoner's the one who makes you pardon
By being as bad, and badder than your hard-on!
And so my tale will wag about and score
On this theme so your press can learn their lore
Much better than "tsk tsk, what a prig!"
I'm President, you're nothing! Here I step into a Scottish jig
And shower money on myself from Putin's pocket;
Alas, he's such a fun guy, and those rockets!
Mama Mia, are the ratings growing?
Yes they are, and its because I'm snoring!
He's snoring! Oh my God! Impeach Him!
But all I have to say is, I have Pardoned Him!